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 GRUDGE REPORT By Fatt Grudge |
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TELEVISION PIONEER HOWDY DOODY SAYS: "I WAS A LOVE PUPPET FOR THE CIA!"
In a video taped testimony before Congress one time TV star Howdy Doody disclosed that he was a victim of the CIA's double top secret, mind your own bee's wax, better if u don't know, "Project Monarch". "Project Monarch", Howdy testified "was the next step after MK-ULTRA mind control experiments were exposed and supposedly discontinued in 1977. The Monarch program is the sophisticated manipulation of a child's mind to protect itself from extreme trauma by creating Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). The alter personalities are then programmed using state of the art mind control techniques. Many of the personalities have high instances of Photographic memory, high intelligence and heightened awareness all of which are useful in espionage, assassinations and lovely sex scandals. Buffalo Bill sexually abused me for years. Why do you think he always had me sit on his horny lap? That made me a perfect candidate for 'Marionette Programing' plus the fact that I was already a puppet."
Grudge note: In 1995 a psychologist, Valerie Wolf, had three adult survivors testify before an 'Advisory Committee on Human Radiation Experiments' established by President Clinton. Their testimony can be found at this link. More information can be found at PARC-VRAMC and CKLN-FM Mind Control Series.
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There once was a President Clinton
who the Senate voted for acquittin'
they said that he lied
and so he was tried
Heny Hyde, deep inside, was just spittin'
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1ST PIC OF CLINTON'S
LOVE CHILD!
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Political IQ
Test and Presidential Sex Quiz
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AMERICAN REVOLUTION LOST: PARLIAMENTARY RULE RETURNS!
bicker bicker bicker
Precedents for presidents of the future are being drawn as the drive-by impeachment quickens. If lying about intimate details of your personal sex life, even under oath, is a high crime and misdemeanor then somebody please show me a low crime and misdemeanor. The Congressional spin to the Constitution goes something like, "The President has sworn an oath to uphold the laws of the land. Therefore if he breaks a law while in his high office he has committed a high crime." Grudge advice for future presidents: Don't jay-walk, make sure you do not park in a handicapped space and for God's sake leave that "Do not remove" tag on your mattress. Wherever you travel in this nation learn the local laws. Here are a few that future presidents should be aware of least the Congress may declare them "high crimes".
In Carmel, CA, it is illegal to eat ice cream while standing on the side walk.
In Prunedale, CA, it is illegal to have two indoor bathtubs in your house.
In Russell, Kansas, it is against the law to have a musical car horn.
A Glendale, California, ordinance permits horror films to be shown only on Mondays, Tuesdays, or Wednesdays.
Clinton County, Ohio, calls for a fine for anyone caught leaning against a public building.
In Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
Have it your way, but don't share it in Oklahoma. This state forbids a person from taking a bite out of another person's hamburger.
In Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
In Oxford, Ohio, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.
Sure the same "experts" who predicted the big GOP victory last November are now predicting the Senate will vote down the impeachment. Well who knows for sure? President Clinton may have an overdue library book somewhere in his past. Dig through anyone's' trash long enough and sooner or later you'll find some dirty laundry.
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LEWINSKY TAPED FOR HOUSE MANAGERS' ORAL PROBE!
MONICA DEFINES SEX: You guys are such silly dills. If you're such legal eagles
don't you know the legal definition of sex is coitus? Every
dictionary says so too and even biblical references mean coitus.
Sex is coitus and coitus is the act of making babies. Nobody ever made
a baby with oral sex, not unless they had pretty bad aim.
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CLINTON ATTENDS HUSSEIN FUNERAL, BROUGHT CARTER,
FORD AND BUSH IN CASE SADDAM SHOWED UP!
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ABE HIRSCHFELD: "NEW YORK CITY POLICE WANTED TO SEE MY WEE WEE!"
Millionaire Abe Hirschfeld was handcuffed and taken into custody
last month on charges that he hired someone to kill his former
business partner. Earlier this year Hirschfeld offered Paula Jones
one million dollars to 'sheathe the sword' in her sexual harassment crusade
against President Clinton. The Dec 11 "New York Times" online edition reported that
Hirschfeld called 911 when the arresting officers wanted to take
him in naked. Unable to contact Mr Hirschfeld the Grudge Report
instead contacted string pulling 'enemy of Bill' billionaire, Richard
Melon Scaife. Mr. Scaife has been funding Ms Jones legal fees through
the Landmark Legal Foundation.
"Ah, the good old days", Mr Scaife said fondly,
"During the the Third Reich the German police routinely made
Jews drop their pants, supposedly to verify their 'Jewishness' and
of course Mr. Hirschfeld is a Jew. Somebody wants to see the man
humiliated, I just can't imagine who, he-he."
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NEW YORK'S MAD DOG DAMATO TO WORK AT BURGER KING AFTER ELECTION DEFEAT!
"Fries with dat?"
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JESSE (THE MIND FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE BODY) VENTURA
has announced plans to run for the white house in
campaign 2000. Rumors around the beltway indicate that
his strongest opponent may be his long time nemesis
Hulk Hogan. Ventura said at a press conference, "It's about
time we got real men in the white house. No more wussies and
no more presidential debates. It's gonna be Hulk and me
for three consecutive nights in the wrestling ring and
let the voters decide. Ross Perot if you can hear me
this time you WILL be invited." Hulk Hogan, it has been
learned, is doing 100 pushups a day preparing. Looks like
he's planning to spend a lot of time in the oval office.
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FORMER ARKANSAS TROOPER BROWN TO BETRAY CLINTON, WHO GOT HIM CIA JOB IN THE FIRST PLACE!
CONSPIRIST RALLY!!! Be there or be square! Oct 31 Wahington D.C.
According to a parody page of The Grudge Report called The Drudge Report. A former
Arkansas state trooper, L.D.Brown, is working for the CIA and plans to speak at the
conspirist rally Oct 31: The rally is sponsered by "Freerepublick" and dreamed up
by friend and cohort of Linda Tripp, Lucciana Goldberg, whose new book "Cooking with Prozac"
is a New York Times best seller!
'Flash: Brown was encouraged by Clinton to work for the CIA and was sent to Puerto Vallarta to carry out an assassination.'
says "Drudge Report" of Oct 31.
Speaking at a "Writers who can't write" meeting Lucciana Goldberg said, "My husband worked
for years for the CIA and I had lots of fun helping Richard Nixon spy on his political
enemies in the 70's but when it comes to a media rally you call a professional. That's
why I contacted 'Freerepublick' the pro's in political mudslinging. What better day than
Oct 31 for the spooks to be out in force?" [applause and chants of "you go girl"] "I
resent allegations that because so many of the players in this impeachment thing can be
tied to the Agency, er.. I mean the CIA, that their is some kind of a conspiracy.
[question from the audience] Yes, it's true that Henry Hyde is in charge of the CIA's
"black budget" and is rumored to have more power than the head of the Agency himself
but why should that disqualify him from heading the Impeachment Committee? No member
of the Agency has ever been proven to be involved in 'neutalizing' a president. DO YOU
HEAR ME OLIVER STONE?"
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STARR DENIES HE LET LOOSE WIND OF JUICY MORSELS FROM HIS REPORT IN THE FACE OF ETHICS!
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IDIOT-GENIUS DICK MORRIS PREDICTS BIG GOP GAINS IN NOVEMBER FOR 'SEXUAL' CONGRESS!!!
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MIDEAST TREATY HAS CONCESSIONS:
NETANYAHU GETS POLLARD
ARAFAT'S PICTURE TO BE ON "WHEATIES"
Mideast talks an inside look.
"They just sat there with their arms folded glaring at each other",
President Clinton said at a press conference friday evening. "On one
occassion Arefatso pretended to sneeze and went 'ah-ah-ahhhhh-Jew'.
The next thing I knew they were both wrestling on the floor. Netantyahoo
was screaming 'terrorist' and Arefatso was yelling back 'fascist'.
I finally got them to stop and jump to their feet by picking up the
phone and saying, 'Hello! Monica?'"
Wednesday Netanyahoo had his bags packed and called the airport
to have his plane ready as he was just about to walk out but
stopped dead in his tracks when Clinton announced he was ordering pizza.
After that late night snack Mr. Netanyahoo told a reporter, "It's all
about manifest destiny. My party believes the borders of Israel
should be the same as described in the bible. We're just traditionalists
that's all." At that point Mr. Arefatso strutted right by him saying, "I think
I'll go to my room and shave." and as he got into his limo said loudly with
a smirk, "Not!".
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STARR VIDEO: USEFULL HUMILIATION OR POLITICAL SPAM?
VIDEO REVIEW:
We've all seen the plot behind this made for video movie before. Starr
crossed lovers torn apart against a backdrop of historical
events. Though not new to story telling, director Starr, with an over
$40 million dollar budget, should have done better. When compared to such
similar story lines as "Casablanca" and "Gone With the Wind" this picture
becomes nothing more than porno with clothes on. Much as "Bambi" is unsuitable
for small children because it presents them with the concept of a parents death,
this picture with it's images of a world leader being persecuted by an
inquisition designed by big goverment is unsettling. Many viewers will find
themselves asking, "If they are powerfull enough to do this to him what could
they do to me?" Director Starr should have learned from 50's director Joe
McCarthy. When he brought his flying circus to television McCarthy learned that
audiences do not want to see anyone torn apart in their living rooms. If you liked
this picture I would suggest you go out and rent, "Plan 9 from Outer Space".
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EXCERPTS FROM THE TRIPP TAPES
which I received from my friends..er.. I mean sources in the
Office of the Independent Council.
"Tell me about it, you know I am trustworthy. Do you think you
can speak a bit louder, dear? Wouldn't you be more comfortable
leaning forward and talking into my lapel pin?"
"The first time was awfull, Linda, he told me as President he was also the White
house doctor and it was time for my exam."
"I heard Marylyn Monroe had a closet full of sperm stained dresses
and you don't have even one."
"Monica, do you have an extra set of 'AA' batteries my watch seems
to be running a bit slow?"
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NASA ANNOUNCES: EARTH BARRAGED BY GAS BLAST FROM WHITE DWARF STARR!!!
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NATION STILL BREATHLESS WEEKS AFTER STARR LETS LOOSE A BIG REPORT!!!
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HILLARY CALLS PSYCHIC HOT LINE.
In a desperate attempt to find a new angle for damage control
Hillary Clinton sought the help of a Washington based psychic known for
her channeling abilities. A source said a late night White house seance
complete with candles and round table managed to conjure up the spirit
of the late media guru, Marshall Mcluhan. The source provided the following
transcript edited for brevity.
HILLARY: Professor Mcluhan is that really you? MCLUHAN: Very funny trying to message me through the medium. HILLARY: Sorry, Professor I didn't mean to offend you, the pun was unintentional. I have a question. Why is it President Kennedy has been sanctified in the public mind while my husband has become muck racked for committing the same infidelities. Rumors circulated quietly around Washington about Kennedy's affairs and the press and even his worst enemies never even considered looking into the validity of those rumors? MCLUHAN: Didn't you ever read my books? It takes a village. HILLARY: It takes a village? But I wrote that. MCLUHAN: No, it's the village stupid. The global village. Every new piece of electric junk that comes down the pike draws us all closer together. Faxes, cell phones, beepers, modems even Chelsea's boom box they are all creating a global village. HILLARY: How can that change the way people judge what news is relevant? MCLUHAN: Well have you ever lived in a village? I mean a village without those gizmos, a primitive village. They don't have news they have gossip. In a village news and gossip are one and the same. The more like a village the world becomes the more like a village we will behave. HILLARY: Prof. Mcluhan I've heard that some villages are matriarchies. What do you think my chances would be in 2004 of becoming the first woman Presi... oh never mind. I should have listened to my mother and married the dentist.
I can't wait."
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X X X X X PRELIMINARY BOXOFFICE RESULTS FOR FRIDAY-SUNDAY, AUGUST 28-30, 1998 1. PLASTIC BLADE 2. SOMETHING SMELLS MARY 3. SAVING PRIVATE RYAN'S SOCIAL SECURITY 4. TITANIC PROFIT 5. WHY DO FOOLS FALL GO BOOM 6. EVER LAUGHTER 7. HOW STELLA GOT HER ALIMONY BACK 8. ZERRO 9. PARENT TRAP, A CASE FOR ABORTION 10. DANCE WITH ME PANTS 11. DEAD GRADES ON CAMPUS 12. SMARMY GET ON % DENOTES CHANGE FROM LAST WEEKEND NUMBERS ARE MOVED FOR PRIVATE RECREATIONAL USE X X X X X